When you get mad about something, frequently what you think you’re mad about isn’t really it.  Whatever you’re focusing on may be frustrating, or annoying, but is it really bothering you as much as you think it is?

We all do this.  When we’re cursing out the drivers on the road, or freaking because the waitress brought the wrong order, chances are we’re projecting our anger.  There are big things in our lives that we cannot control.  Our parents do lots of bad things to us.  We all spend time in relationships that drain us, rather than fulfill us.  At some point, we all have jobs with an awful boss.  Some of these things we can fix, and some we can’t.

For the things we can’t fix, what do we do?  Unfortunately, what we usually do is project the anger onto something else; like traffic, or restaurants, or the computer acting up.  When you see the guy in the car behind you yelling and cussing and waving his arms, is there any chance that he is actually that angry at the traffic?  Or is it more likely that he hasn’t had sex with his wife in months, he’s in a dead-end job where he feels unappreciated, and his mom just told him again he should have become a doctor?  So what does he do?  He curses at traffic.

The next time you find yourself getting mad about something, stop and think about whether your reaction is proportionate to whatever you think you’re mad about.  If it’s not, then think about what it is that is really bothering you.  Maybe it’s something that you can’t do anything about, but at least you can identify it.  Then you can choose to not be angry at the other things that don’t matter.