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Are you willing to work for it?

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All of us want things from our lives, but not all of us are willing to work for it.  The good things in life require effort.  If you’re only willing to make the minimum effort, guess what you’re going to get for it?

We admire people with great bodies.  We admire great athletes.  We admire professionals who are at the top of their field.  However, we often discount the successes that these people have had.  “She is just naturally skinny.”  “He has great genes.”  “He got into his dad’s business.”

While some people may have an advantage here and there, generally speaking people do not get to be the best, or look the best, without a lot of effort.  The reason that we admire 6-pack abs is because it takes so much work to build up your abdominal muscles, and lose your abdominal fat, that the vast majority of people will never do it.  Certainly, many athletes are born with a body that is suited to what they do.  But the elite athletes also work diligently to stay in shape, and improve their skills.  The ones who don’t make that effort don’t stay in the game.

The bottom line is, you have to work for the good things in life.  If you want a great body, you need to be eat right, and exercise every day.

Be careful about labels

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Can any of us be defined in a single word?  Bitch, Gay, Asshole, Dumb, Slut, Jock, Nerd.  It’s easy to reduce someone to a single characteristic, but we are all so much more than one word can ever communicate.

Especially when someone is doing things that we find frustrating or bothersome, it is easy to put a label on them.  If a girl is being mean to you, she’s a “bitch.”  People are so complex, and we are all influenced by so many factors that affect how we interact with others.  There may be people out there who are just plain mean, bad people, but most of the time, there is a lot more going on than what you can see.

Think about it this way.  Think about how you come across to others when you’re not on your best behavior.  Maybe you had a bad night and morning at home.  Maybe you’re stressed about a test that you didn’t do well on.  Maybe your friends are being doing things that are stressing you out.  If someone labels you based on that behavior, is it accurate?

Now think about this.  Many people’s lives are not like yours.  What if every evening at home was bad?  What if every morning at home was bad too?  What if you were struggling in your classes and didn’t have anyone who you felt could help you?  How would you come across to others?  Would people label you as dumb?  As a loser?  As a bitch?  Maybe as a slut?  Would those labels be true.

Our society has become much more accepting of homosexuals, but we still view them in their own separate category.  They’re “gay.”  By using this label, we make sure that we are defining them as being different from us.  But isn’t everyone different from us in their own ways?  Do we need to have a label to define that difference?

If you are striving to be understanding of others, then you shouldn’t feel the need to put labels on anyone, just as you don’t want to have labels put on you.  If we were all more willing to accept each other for our differences, wouldn’t the world be a better place?

Live in the now

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All you have in your life is right now.  This is your life happening; right now, in this moment.  What will you choose to do with it?

It’s so easy to get caught up worrying about what happened in the past, or what might happen in the future, that it’s easy to for get that while you’re worrying, your life is happening.  There is so much to worry about.  Relationships, family issues, money, work; all of these things weigh on our minds so much of the time.  It becomes a problem when worrying about the future, or the past, interferes with your enjoyment of the present.

I’m not saying that your shouldn’t plan for the future, or think about what major life decisions you need to make.  Life doesn’t just fall perfectly into place.  It does require a bit of planning to come together the way you want it to.  What I’m saying is that you can look at your future, and make your choices and plans, and then let it go and live in the now.

Once you’ve made your choices, don’t spend all your time worrying about how they will work out.  Spend your time choosing to enjoy today, because today is all you actually have.  You can’t go back and change the past, and you can’t live in the future.  All you can do is live this moment, right now.  This day, right now.  This is your life, and it’s happening right now.  How will you choose to live it?

Let the past go

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Whether what happened to you in the past was good or bad, it’s time to let it go and move on with your life.

So many people spend so much time fixated on what happened to them in the past.  People look back to what they feel were the best days in their life, and they feel that life would be so much better today if they could get those days back.  Others look back at the pain and suffering they went through, and all they can think is how much better life would be today if those things hadn’t happened.

Whether it was good or bad, our past is what brought us to our present, and our present is all we’ve got.  Your life is happening today, so live in it today.

I’m not saying to forget what happened to you before.  I believe that it’s important to remember your past, so that you can understand your present, and so that you can learn lessons from the past, both good and bad.

If you made some bad choices in the past, learn the lessons from them so you don’t make the same bad choices again.  If bad things were done to you by other people, think about how you can use those bad experiences to be a better, stronger person today.  Can you take your hurt and find a way to help other people today?  Are you making sure that you aren’t hurting someone else the same way that someone hurt you?

If things were great in the past, think about what choices you can make today to get back some of those good times.  It may not be possible.  You’re never going to get back to going to the state championships in high school.  But what you can do is be glad that you had that experience, because it helped to shape who you are today.

Every experience we have in our lives shapes us.  But what a lot of people don’t realize is that we get to choose how those experiences shape us.  We can choose to be bitter and angry at someone hurting us, or we can choose to learn and grow.  We can choose to mourn the loss of the “good old days” or we can choose to be happy that we were lucky enough to have those great experiences, and carry that happiness with us today.

Each of us gets to make that choice, and we get to make it every single day.  What will you choose?

Get comfortable being uncomfortable

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If you’re not willing to do things that make you uncomfortable, your life is not going to get better.  Emily started running cross country this year, and I was a little discouraged at how she was obviously not pushing herself during practice.  At the first meet, she finished close to last place, and on the drive home, she told me that she was not happy with her performance.

As I explained to her then, and during every practice run and meet since then, you have to get comfortable being uncomfortable.  If you only do the things that are easy, you never get to experience the sense of satisfaction that comes from pushing yourself to do something that you didn’t think you could accomplish, then accomplishing it.  You don’t need to win a trophy, or finish in the top 3, but you should know when you finish that you did your own personal best.

Mariah decided last year that she wanted to audition for the winter musical.  Standing up in front of a room full of strangers and reading some lines and singing would be nerve-racking for just about anyone.  But she did it, and she got a part in the chorus, and she had a fantastic experience.  Because she was willing to do something that was uncomfortable, she got to have a great new experience.

We all have things that we are naturally good at, and sometimes it’s easy to fall back on those things, rather than push ourselves.  You can get through life this way, but I feel that you miss so much enjoyment if that’s what you do.  When you challenge yourself, and you accept a level of discomfort as part of the process, you will end up with incredible new experiences and new accomplishments.

These are things that no one can ever take away from you.  Once you’ve completed a race, or acted in a play, you own that experience.  It is yours forever.  And that is something to feel good about.

What are you mad about?

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When you get mad about something, frequently what you think you’re mad about isn’t really it.  Whatever you’re focusing on may be frustrating, or annoying, but is it really bothering you as much as you think it is?

We all do this.  When we’re cursing out the drivers on the road, or freaking because the waitress brought the wrong order, chances are we’re projecting our anger.  There are big things in our lives that we cannot control.  Our parents do lots of bad things to us.  We all spend time in relationships that drain us, rather than fulfill us.  At some point, we all have jobs with an awful boss.  Some of these things we can fix, and some we can’t.

For the things we can’t fix, what do we do?  Unfortunately, what we usually do is project the anger onto something else; like traffic, or restaurants, or the computer acting up.  When you see the guy in the car behind you yelling and cussing and waving his arms, is there any chance that he is actually that angry at the traffic?  Or is it more likely that he hasn’t had sex with his wife in months, he’s in a dead-end job where he feels unappreciated, and his mom just told him again he should have become a doctor?  So what does he do?  He curses at traffic.

The next time you find yourself getting mad about something, stop and think about whether your reaction is proportionate to whatever you think you’re mad about.  If it’s not, then think about what it is that is really bothering you.  Maybe it’s something that you can’t do anything about, but at least you can identify it.  Then you can choose to not be angry at the other things that don’t matter.

What’s a motel?

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We were driving this weekend and Emily asked me the difference between a hotel and a motel.  Since I enjoy little history lessons that help explain the world we live in today, I’m going to share it here.

In the mid-20th century, there were no interstate highways.  If you wanted to drive cross-country, you did it on State Routes and US Routes.  They were all two lanes, and you passed through every little town on your way.  The song “Route 66” celebrates the US Route from Chicago to Los Angeles.  Old downtowns typically had a hotel; usually a multi-story building in the center of town.

As more people began to drive longer distances, there became a market for smaller hotels, conveniently located on the roadside.  This was the birth of the Motor Hotel, or Motel.  These motels were usually one story, and you could pull your car right up to the door of your room.

Then came the interstates.  The smaller roads weren’t traveled much, and the motels started to close.  Today, the difference between a hotel and motel is usually a difference of name and price.  But when you drive on the state routes and US routes, you can still see some of the old one-story motels.

I gave blood today

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I gave blood today.  For quite a few years, I gave blood every 8 weeks.  Then, after the blood lady stuck my arm in a bad way, and it swelled up and bled later, I stopped donating for a few years.  Lately, I’ve been donating again.

When I donate blood, I think about why I do it.  On the one hand, I do believe in the power of karma; that what you put into the universe comes back to you.  So you could argue that my motives are self-serving.  On the other hand, I know that it’s just the right thing to do, and I try to always do the right thing.  I don’t always succeed, but I do always try.

There was an episode of Friends where Joey was arguing that any time you do something nice, you’re actually doing it for yourself.  Phoebe pointed out something she had done that she hadn’t received any credit for.  Joey asked how it made her feel, and she said that it made her feel good.  He said “See!!”

There is an element of truth to this.  When you do something good for someone else, even an anonymous, future someone else, it does make you feel good.  I’ve been wondering if this is a bad thing.  Are you really doing something selfless if doing it makes you feel good?  I think that the answer is yes.  It’s okay to get some sense of personal satisfaction from doing the right thing.  There are so many instances in life where we don’t get recognition from others for the things that we do, so it makes sense to me that we should learn to give ourselves that recognition.  If the sense of satisfaction encourages us to do more good in the future, then everyone benefits; and isn’t that really the whole point?

When I told Leah about this, she said that the reason people do good things is because it makes them feel good.  Growing up, I was taught that you should never feel good about anything that you do, and you should absolutely never feel proud of yourself; because pride is a sin against god and you’re taking credit for his actions.  This is just one of many things that seems normal to most people, but I have a very different perspective based on my unhealthy childhood.  I am giving myself permission to feel good about giving blood.