Why are you harder on yourself than you are on your friends? When you make a mistake, you beat yourself up over it. But when your friend messes up, you tell them that it’s okay.

What if you treated yourself like your own friend? What if you told yourself it’s okay when you make a mistake? What if you forgave yourself like you forgive your friends? How much happier would you be?

The next time you’re beating yourself up about something, stop for a moment and think about what you would say to a friend. Try saying it to yourself. Try being your own friend.

There is no such thing as pretty, or rich, or successful. These only exist in comparison to other people. So what’s the problem with that?

Simple, our default comparison, or reference point, is usually a terrible choice. We always pick someone prettier, richer, or more successful, then we feel like a failure.

The problem is that there is always someone prettier, richer, or more successful, so you can always choose a reference point that makes you feel bad about yourself.

So, what should you do? The next time you find yourself making a comparison between you and someone else, really stop and think about the reference point you are choosing. Is it actually realistic? If it isn’t, then think about adjusting it to a more realistic place.

Or better yet, try to compare you to you. Are you making more money than you did before? Are you in better shape than you were before? Are you more successful than you were before?

If you focus on your own personal growth, you can always be happy and feel good about yourself.

Sometimes you’ve got to move on. But how do you feel like you haven’t quit.

Quitting is giving up on hope, or giving up on your goals, or your dreams. Moving on is realizing that what you were working towards either can’t happen, or is no longer a priority for you to make happen.

When you change course, or realign your goals, sometimes you have to move on from things you were working on before.

Don’t beat yourself up over it. As long as you are working, and moving forward, its fine to move on from some of your goals.

I was listening to an interview with Dr. Susan David, who wrote the book Emotional Agility . She talked about “have to” goals versus “want to” goals.

If you “have to” lose 20 pounds, you’re not likely to succeed. If you “want to” lose 20 pounds, that’s a lot more motivating.

There are things in life that you “have to” do. But lots of the goals that we set for ourselves are things that we want, but we punish ourselves by feeling that we “have to” do them.

If you know your why; if you truly know why you want something, then it’s a “want to” goal, which is much more attainable.

A few years ago I deleted Facebook. A couple friends were over and one of them asked me why. I said that I only want things that add to the quality of my life.

It’s so easy to get bogged down doing things, or being with people, that make our lives worse, not better. Think about how you spend your time. Think about who you choose to spend your time with. Are those activities and those people making your life better?

If they’re not, then why are you making those choices? Because it’s easy? Because it’s your habit?

If you are living your life on purpose, then choose things that make your life better.

You’re not perfect. You can be better. We all know this, but we tend to dislike hearing any criticism about ourselves.

When you hear criticism about yourself, instead of instantly feeling defensive, try pausing, and listening to what they actually said.

Ask yourself two things. Are they right? Does it matter? If they’re not right, let it go. If they’re right, but it doesn’t matter, let it go. If they’re right and it does matter, then think about what you can do to improve, and be grateful to that person for helping you be the best self you can be.

Sometimes it seems like life is burying you. You’re working hard and not getting anywhere. Maybe things are going wrong.

Give yourself a small win. Pick one thing in your life that you can control, and give yourself credit for a small win. Maybe it’s getting to the gym one day this week. Maybe it’s making one sales call.

You don’t have to hit all of your goals to feel like you’re making progress. Give yourself a win. Then another win. Then just keep going, celebrating your small successes. You’ll feel better.

Some of the best things in your life are the things that you’ve lost. A family member, a pet, a relationship.

So do you feel bad for having lost it, or do you feel lucky for having had it in the first place. I was talking with a customer of mine whose husband of 62 years had just died. She told me, “I don’t feel sad that I lost him, I just feel lucky that I got to have him for so long.” How amazing is that!

You can feel the pain of loss, but don’t let it take away the joy that it brought you in the first place. Choose to focus on the good.