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No one is coming

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No one is coming. Does that statement make you feel afraid, or empowered?

If we’re lucky, we have people to support us in life, but overall, each of us is on our own. So instead of waiting for the things you want, the job you want, the relationship you want, the health you want; take control of your own life and make it happen. No one is coming to make it happen for you.

No one is coming. That should make you feel empowered because it means that you can go ahead and create the life you want. It’s up to you.

Its not you

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It’s easy to take it personally when someone is rude to you, or treats you badly. Try to remember that it’s not about you.

Everyone is walking around with their own baggage; their own issues; their own problems. When they treat you badly, it almost never has anything to do with you.

This doesn’t mean you should accept other people’s bad behavior, just that you should remember that they are expressing feelings about something that have nothing to do with you. You just happen to be the one in front of them at the moment.

Have the hard conversation

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You can’t have a healthy relationship if you’re afraid to have the hard conversation. Life is full of conflict, misunderstandings, and differences.

If you aren’t willing to talk about it, you end up forcing yourself to accept a situation that you don’t want.

Instead of thinking of it as a fight, or something negative, look at the hard conversation as a step towards making the relationship better. And tell the other person that the point of the conversation is to make the relationship better.

If they’re on board, then you can have a good, productive conversation and improve your relationship. If they don’t want to do that, then maybe it’s time to reconsider that relationship.

Progress over perfection

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What’s the point of setting goals? It’s all about making progress.

For the longest time I didn’t want to set goals because I was afraid that I would fail to achieve them. But if you make progress toward a goal, even if you don’t make it all the way, that’s still better than doing nothing at all.

So go ahead and set the goals. At least it’ll get you moving in the right direction. If you achieve your goal, that’s great. If you grow and improve but don’t make it all the way, that’s still great.

Don’t let perfection get in the way of progress.

Life Changing Days

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Today is June 1. 20 years ago today was one of a few life-changing days for me. I had a mortgage, a baby, and a wife who didn’t work, and I quit my job and started a new business from scratch.

It was a bold move, but I looked at my life, and I wasn’t happy with the direction it was headed, so I decided to change it.

Your life belongs to you. You’re allowed to do what you want with it. If you don’t like the way its going, then change it. It will be scary, it will be hard, people might judge what you’re doing.

Do the scary thing. Do the hard thing. Endure the judgement. Make your life the life you want it to be.

Your emotions

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How many times have you been told to stop being mad, or stop being jealous, or get over you feelings? We grow up being taught that our emotions are bad, and that we need to control them.

Emotions are normal, and they’re okay. The question is: once you have the anger, or the jealousy, what choices do you make?

So give yourself permission to have your emotions. Don’t question them, or tell yourself that they’re wrong, or that there is something wrong with you for feeling the way you do.

Own your emotions, process why you feel the way you do, and then decide what your actions will be.

Becoming your parents

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We all become our parents, because that was the example that we had for all of our formative years. But what if our parents aren’t the people we want to become?

The good news is that you don’t have to become your parents. It takes a lot of work, and a long time, but you do have a choice.

If you acknowledge exactly what characteristics of your parents that you don’t want to repeat, and then identify in yourself where you see those characteristics, you can avoid doing what they did.

Just because you grew up with them doesn’t mean you have to become them. You have a choice, if you’re willing to do the work.

Make one point

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The worst thing about preparing for an unpleasant conversation is filling your head with worst-case scenarios about what might happen. It could be a breakup, or firing an employee, or just confronting an issue with someone.

The best approach to take is to boil down your point to one simple sentence, then stick with it. Some people love to argue, and they’ll want to steer the conversation in all kinds of directions. Don’t let them

Just make your one point, and stick with it. If they want to change the subject, you can respond by telling them that that is a conversation for another time, but right now we’re talking about this.

Make one point, and stay on it.

Avoiding Conflict

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We don’t like conflict. That is normal. But life will inevitably have lots of conflict in it. So what do we do about it?

Sorry to break it to you, but avoiding conflict just makes the current version of you more comfortable, and makes the future version of you really unhappy. Because avoiding the conflict doesn’t make it go away, it just makes you deal with it later, when it has gotten worse.

So instead of thinking about what the conflict is, think of what you want the positive outcome to be, and make the conversation about that. Don’t focus on the current negative, make the focus on the future positive.

The future you will thank you.

I can’t see what you see

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Remember the last time you tried to convince someone of something? How’d it work out?

We each have our own perception of what we see and how we see it. And generally speaking, we are not open to having that perception changed.

So instead of trying to convince someone of something, instead try finding the place where you actually agree, and focus on that part.