Don’t waste your time or energy trying to be impressive. If someone is going to be impressed by you, they’re going to be impressed whether you’re trying or not. If someone is not going to be impressed by you, they’re not going to be impressed whether you’re trying or not.
So just be your own best. Do it for yourself, and know that the right people will notice what you are doing. Most people won’t notice anything, but that’s just what people do. It has nothing to do with you.
Nothing works out the way you planned it, but it does all work out. It’s okay to make plans for your life, but it’s important to remember that almost nothing is going to work out the way that you planned it. I believe that if you stay positive, and continue to believe that things are going to work out, then they will.
Don’t worry about it when the plans you made all go sideways. That’s what life looks like. Just keep believing that even though things aren’t going the way you thought they would, it’s still all going to work out in the end.
Last summer we went to France. Among other things, we went to the Louvre and saw the Mona Lisa. To be clear, the painting is not at all depressing.
What was depressing was the crowd of hundreds of people who weren’t looking at the painting. They were holding their phones up in the air, taking a terrible, useless picture.
Did anyone in that room actually enjoy seeing the Mona Lisa, or were they all just thinking about how everyone in their social media circles will know that they went to the Louvre? I read that the Louvre had record attendance last year, with over 10 million visitors. I wonder how many of them actually looked at the Mona Lisa. The rest of them really don’t know what they were missing.
The next time you’re looking at something at you’re tempted to take a picture of it, stop for a moment. Before you take that picture, make sure that you’re really looking. Take a moment to truly appreciate what you’re seeing. Give yourself the gift of looking at it just for you. Then, if you feel like you want to share it with someone else, go ahead.
Sometimes, when things are hard, you can feel like there isn’t a solution to the problem. Remember that just because you can’t see the solution yet, it doesn’t mean that the solution doesn’t exist.
I get really stressed out when I can’t see the solution to the problem. If I can find any solution to the problem, I immediately feel better, because now I know that there is a solution. Even if it isn’t the solution that I want, at least I know that the problem can be solved.
Once you accept that there is some solution, any solution, to your problem, you can relax about it, because you know that it’s going to work out in the end. Probably not the way you wanted it to; maybe not the planned; but it will work out. And you’ll be fine.
You have some standards in relationships. You have things that you prefer, and you have deal-breakers. So what happens when the other person’s standards are in conflict with yours?
Let’s say you can’t stand Suzy. She talks about people behind their backs, she’s negative all the time, she’s critical of everyone. You and Suzy have a mutual friend who really likes Suzy and wants to hang out with her all the time. You tell your friend that if Suzy is part of the package, you’re not interested. She tells you that if Suzy can’t be part of the package, then she’s not interested.
Who’s right? Who’s wrong? You’re right. So is your friend. You are allowed to set the rules for the relationships in your life. So is everyone else. Sometimes those rules will run up against each other. That doesn’t make either of you wrong, but it does mean that you probably won’t be friends any more. That’s why I wrote the post about how all relationships change, and most of them end.
Although our society might tell you otherwise, it is actually possible for two people to have completely different ideas, and both of them are right. You can choose to respect your friend’s rules for the relationship, even if that means the end of it. No one has to conform to your rules, but you are allowed to stick by them for yourself.
Let me tell you something that I wish everyone knew, but almost no one does. Every relationship you will ever have in your life will change, and most of them will end. Even a marriage that lasts 50 years changes over time. Change is unavoidable.
And most people you become friends with in your life will be a temporary friendship. We’re friends with most people throughout our lives because of proximity. We go to school, or work, or the gym, together. Then we move, or change schools or jobs, and the relationship ends. Of all the people we are friends with, very few will stay the same when the proximity changes. And that’s okay.
People also change. Someone you had so much in common with the first year at school may seem like a total stranger 4 years later. This is okay. People should change.
Nobody prepares us for these changes, so when we lose a friend, it feels bad. But it doesn’t have to feel bad. It’s just part of life. Enjoy every friendship that you have while it lasts. Look back at past friendships that ended, and feel good about the fact that you had that person in your life when you did.
And the next time a relationship changes, or ends, try to remember that this is normal, and okay.
Sometimes you hear someone say something wrong, and you are tempted to correct them. Do you correct them, or do you let it go?
People make mistakes all the time. We state facts wrong. We mispronounce words. We remember something differently than someone else does.
Before you correct someone else, ask yourself whether or not the mistake matters. Chances are, it’s so trivial that it doesn’t matter at all. So, what exactly is the point of correcting them? For a moment, it makes you feel better about yourself because you were right and they were wrong. Is that brief moment of superiority worth it?
The next time someone says something wrong, before you correct them, stop and think about whether or not it matters. Chances are, it doesn’t matter at all. Just smile and let it go.
A lot of people think they want to be rich and famous. If you think you want to be rich and famous, do you really know why? Like, deep down inside of you why?
Is that a goal for yourself, or is that a goal about how other people perceive you? Most of us, deep down, don’t really love ourselves. We see our own weaknesses, not our own strengths. We see our own shortcomings, and our blind to our own successes. We want other people to approve of us to try to compensate for our own lack of self-approval.
The problem is, if you don’t like yourself, you won’t be able to truly accept the approval from other people, because you won’t believe that you deserve it.
So, before you try to get rich or famous, make sure that you already approve of yourself, and that you know why that is your goal. If you think that having people be jealous of the big house, or the fancy car, or the name recognition, will make you like yourself, you’ll be sadly disappointed.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson said something along the lines of this: When you come home from work, you don’t skip working out because you’re tired, you skip working out because you don’t have the right motivation.
So the question is, for any goal that you have, why is that your goal? What is it that you really want? It’s fine to say you want to lose weight, or want to get in shape, or whatever your goal might be, but really ask yourself why that is your goal. What is it that you really want?
If you don’t know your reason, chances are you will not meet your goal, because if you don’t have a reason for the goal, then how will you stay motivated when things get hard? If you really know your motivation, then that will give you the power to get through when things get rough.
Sometimes you’re working on being emotionally healthy, and having healthy relationships, but it just won’t work out. It might be time to evaluate whether the person you’re dealing with is healthy.
Why? Because you can’t have a healthy relationship with an unhealthy person. No matter how hard you try, you can’t overcome another person’s issues. Either you meet them where they are, or you end the relationship. What you don’t want to do is hope the other person will change, and start being emotionally healthy. They are who they are.