Life involves loss and disappointment, and those events can leave a lasting effect on you. Sometimes you don’t even realize how much something hurt until later when you get triggered and have an emotional reaction out of proportion to what just happened.

When you go through a breakup, or a job loss, or some other sad event, give yourself permission to mourn the loss. I’m afraid we only associate mourning with the death of a loved one, but it applies to so much more than that. Giving yourself the mental space to mourn a loss lets you process it, and work through your emotions about it. And that allows you to move on from it.

You aren’t going to forget that it happened, but you can move past the strong emotions about it so it won’t interfere with you later in life. We carry all the scars of everything that happens to us, but carrying the scars doesn’t mean we need to allow them to dictate how we live now.

Take the time to mourn your losses, then when you’re ready, move on with that chapter in your life closed behind you.

Who hasn’t heard that you should “follow your bliss” or “do something you love and you’ll never work another day in your life?” As nice as these sentiments sound, I think they are terrible advice.

The vast majority of jobs out there are not anyone’s dream job, so does that mean that only a small percentage of people get to be happy going to work, and everyone else spends their career being miserable? That sounds like a terrible deal to me.

How about, instead of finding your dream job, you find the bliss in the job that you have. No matter what you do for work, you can find the positives in it. And if there really aren’t positives, then definitely do something else.

Window cleaning isn’t a dream job, but I get to use it as a platform to make the world a better place by trying to have a positive impact on everyone we come into contact with. And that turns it into a dream job, because who doesn’t feel good at the end of the day about making the world a better place?

If you can find your dream job, count your blessings among the lucky few. For everyone else, find the part of your job that makes you happy and enjoy that.

You know when you’re studying, or reading, or doing a puzzle, and your brain kind of stops working? It’s time to change your field of vision.

If you can, stand up and go outside and look as far away as you can. If you can’t do that, look out a window. Find somewhere to focus your view that’s far away for 30 seconds or a minute.

When you look back at your work, I bet you’ll find your brain is working again. Do this whenever you find your thoughts slowing down.

Why are you harder on yourself than you are on your friends? When you make a mistake, you beat yourself up over it. But when your friend messes up, you tell them that it’s okay.

What if you treated yourself like your own friend? What if you told yourself it’s okay when you make a mistake? What if you forgave yourself like you forgive your friends? How much happier would you be?

The next time you’re beating yourself up about something, stop for a moment and think about what you would say to a friend. Try saying it to yourself. Try being your own friend.

There is no such thing as pretty, or rich, or successful. These only exist in comparison to other people. So what’s the problem with that?

Simple, our default comparison, or reference point, is usually a terrible choice. We always pick someone prettier, richer, or more successful, then we feel like a failure.

The problem is that there is always someone prettier, richer, or more successful, so you can always choose a reference point that makes you feel bad about yourself.

So, what should you do? The next time you find yourself making a comparison between you and someone else, really stop and think about the reference point you are choosing. Is it actually realistic? If it isn’t, then think about adjusting it to a more realistic place.

Or better yet, try to compare you to you. Are you making more money than you did before? Are you in better shape than you were before? Are you more successful than you were before?

If you focus on your own personal growth, you can always be happy and feel good about yourself.

Sometimes you’ve got to move on. But how do you feel like you haven’t quit.

Quitting is giving up on hope, or giving up on your goals, or your dreams. Moving on is realizing that what you were working towards either can’t happen, or is no longer a priority for you to make happen.

When you change course, or realign your goals, sometimes you have to move on from things you were working on before.

Don’t beat yourself up over it. As long as you are working, and moving forward, its fine to move on from some of your goals.

I was listening to an interview with Dr. Susan David, who wrote the book Emotional Agility . She talked about “have to” goals versus “want to” goals.

If you “have to” lose 20 pounds, you’re not likely to succeed. If you “want to” lose 20 pounds, that’s a lot more motivating.

There are things in life that you “have to” do. But lots of the goals that we set for ourselves are things that we want, but we punish ourselves by feeling that we “have to” do them.

If you know your why; if you truly know why you want something, then it’s a “want to” goal, which is much more attainable.

A few years ago I deleted Facebook. A couple friends were over and one of them asked me why. I said that I only want things that add to the quality of my life.

It’s so easy to get bogged down doing things, or being with people, that make our lives worse, not better. Think about how you spend your time. Think about who you choose to spend your time with. Are those activities and those people making your life better?

If they’re not, then why are you making those choices? Because it’s easy? Because it’s your habit?

If you are living your life on purpose, then choose things that make your life better.