A younger friend asked me the other day how do you know when you’ve me the one for you.  Specifically, she wanted to know how I knew that Leah was the one for me.

First, I think that a lot of times it is easier to know who isn’t the one than who is.  If you ever have to justify someone’s bad behavior to yourself, then that is not the right person for you.   For instance, if you are saying “I know he yells at me, but he really cares about me.”  If a person makes you feeling bad more than they make you feel good, then that is not the right person for you.  We all have conflicts in our relationships, but when it’s over, it should be resolved and you should feel that the relationship is better, and stronger, because of it.  If your conflicts just leave you feeling bad and nothing good comes from them, it’s time to move on.

Before Leah and I were dating, we were having a conversation where I said that relationships are a lot of work. She disagreed with me, and felt that if two people are right for each other, then it shouldn’t be a lot of work to make the relationship work.  Several years later, as we were working through normal conflicts, she told me that she understood what I meant.  We were both working hard, and we still are, to make our relationship as strong and as successful as possible.

When Leah and I were first dating, she was very jealous whenever I would talk to any other woman.  The jealousy came up in a number of different ways, and it was very troubling to me every time.  I explained to Leah how much it bothered me, and I asked her to please stop.  She listened to what I had to say, and she stopped.  That was the moment that I knew I had found someone special.

The willingness to listen to your partner, and adjust your behavior for the betterment of the relationship, is one of the most important aspects of working for the success of the relationship.  In order for any relationship to be successful, both people must be willing to listen, and to do the work.  One person cannot carry a relationship alone, no matter how hard they are willing to work.  I learned that in my first marriage.

There are a lot of things that a relationship needs in order to be healthy.  For me, this was the first sign that I had that I had found someone good.