As I have said before, all relationships change, and most of them end. Some relationships just reach a natural conclusion. Lots of relationships are based on proximity, and when someone moves, or gets a new job, or goes to a new school, the relationship just ends.

But sometimes you have to end it. Sometimes you have to break up with someone. This is never and easy thing, but it doesn’t have to be a catastrophe either.

Grandma may have told you that honesty is always the best policy, but that is rarely the truth. Honesty can be hurtful. The key is to find the right mix of honesty and omission, so that you can tell the truth while not being hurtful to the other person.

It’s actually a lot easier to break up if there is an obvious problem in the relationship. But more often than not, there isn’t some bold headline problem, so it can make it harder. This is especially true if the other person doesn’t want the relationship to end. So what do you do?

First, be straightforward. Start off by saying that you are ending the relationship. Once emotions start going, the message can get lost, and the other person needs to know from the start exactly what is happening.

Second, pick one sentence and stick to it. Don’t give a laundry list of grievances. Don’t introduce new reasons. You’re not here for a debate; you’re here to end things. The more reasons you give, the more you’re asking for a long, drawn out ordeal.

Third, the other person doesn’t actually have to understand or accept it. It’s best if they do, but that is not a requirement. You can offer clarification on your one sentence reason for ending things, but you don’t owe them any more than you are comfortable sharing. Say what you need to say, then say goodbye.

What about in person, by phone, by text? I think that this changes depending on how serious the relationship is. If you have been in an exclusive relationship with someone, you owe the other person enough respect to do it in person. If it’s a friendship, or short term, or casual relationship, then doing it over the phone can be okay. Having any serious conversation over text is generally a terrible idea. Texting is not an effective medium for conversations that are emotionally charged.

Chances are you will feel bad after you break up with someone. This is okay. Unless you’re a sociopath, you empathize with others’ feelings, and you know that the other person is now feeling bad. Give yourself permission to grieve the end of the relationship.

Finally, think about what you can learn from this relationship. Is there something that you would have done differently if you could do it again? Do you feel like you should have ended it sooner? Everything in life can be a learning experience, and this would be a waste if you didn’t learn anything from it. Each relationship is a building block for the next one, so you can keep getting healthier and your relationships can keep getting better.